Ed Sherman song
I don’t care
This song speaks volumes of truths for us like it’s killing us softly!
The song lyrics:
Nobody's even looking me in my eyes
Don't think I fit in at this party
I'm crippled with anxiety
Who wants to fit in anyway?
Today’s double pool party invite at the town pool is complex. So complex.
Granted I don’t want to talk small talk with these people, not for any other reason than I’m not interested in shallow meaningless conversation, we’re not friends and nor do I want to be.
My girlfriend doesn’t want to go as the community has not been very kind to her and she does not want to put herself in a position where she feels like a zoo animal.
However, she also wants to show a united front and that she is not intimidated. She wants to support me and show she is fully invested in me and the boys. That we are a real family.
I have anxiety. I’ve not had anxiety for 18 months plus. However, my little man starting prep has renewed this feeling. I’ll admit I’m not a fan of school pick up or drop off. 40 kids and all the parents, most 1st-time prep parents & the demographic of them in this small community. Give me strength. I may have a few preconceived notions about some of them, true. Others I don’t know or have not seen before.
In the past, I’ve been ‘that Mum’ for a myriad of reasons. But my appearance gives me some anxiety. And I’d say it’s my assumption of what others will think about my appearance, it’s an unhealthy pattern I know.
What is appropriate to wear to the town pool & a children’s pool party anyway?
So in an effort to be something that is my version of ‘mumsy’ I put on my only conservative swimsuit. It’s a high cut Adidas one piece. Still turns heads.
There is nothing that I could wear that wouldn’t be a topic of conversation. I’m never going to win in this situation.